


The way to a man's heart is through food.

by Zenxara



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dating, F/F, F/M, M/M, Romance, Taking Care of Kids, a lot of food, and passionate about food, large foster family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 11:40:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20796056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zenxara/pseuds/Zenxara
Summary: Karkat only wanted two things from the Annual Prospit Ball:  eat desert until he explode; and find the bench his parent vandalized 20 years ago.  Finding Prince Dave Strider of Derse asleep on the ground wasn't one of them.





	1. Chapter 1

“Okay, what is your plan for this evening.” the Signless said hand on his hips as he turned to look at his children he brought with him to the Prospit Annual Ball.

“I’m going to fucking eat my weight in dessert,” Karkat answered swiping a glass of champagne from a waiter that pass by. “Maybe try to get in the garden to find the Bench you and mom vandalized 30 years ago.” He grinned. The singless eye twitched, he turned to his foster kid.

Aradia, her long hair curled and shining under the bright light, her curling horns dressed like crown around her head.

“I’m going to seduce a rich boy to date me,” She nodded to herself. The Singless pinched the bridge of his nose at his 14 year old troll foster kid. Karkat did a shot with the champagne.

“I’m going to dance until my feet are sore then I will continue to dance until I pass out!” the 8 year old foster kid Nepata said arms in the air as she exclaimed.

The Signless let out a long breath through his nose and watch his legit second son Karkat swipe the empty glass to a new one.

“Okay, fuck it. You, don’t get thrown in jail. I’m not paying bail.” The Signless point to Karkat, the boy does a bitch please face at his father, Vantas ignored him and point to Aradia “you, don’t drink alcohol.”

“Please,” Aradia said with a roll of her eyes, swiping her hair over her shoulder, “It smells awful anyway. I’m not stupid, now if you excuse me,” She roll her shoulder back, she was wearing her best ball gown and smile prettily. Unknown to the world except for the Vantas House that it was the devil’s smile, she would manipulate anyone to get her way.

Vantas was slightly proud, and terrified. He smiled down sweetly at Nepeta, giving her his elbow,

“May I have the first dance than Miss Leijon.”

“You may,” The girl said toothy grin and wave at Karkat who just waved at them, finishing his second glass and walk toward the food tables. Karkat took a paper plate and pile it high with dessert food, didn’t care for the disgusted look others are giving him as he eats sweet with his fingers. No one know who he is anyway, it doesn’t matter. He hasn’t been out of the house except to go to a restaurant with his family since he dropped out of high school four years ago.

Karkat had been working in the Vantas home, helping the Nanny raising the foster kids, cleaning and cooking. Kankri, his older brother, was the one going out in the world and doing business with his father.

Karkat munches on a piece of moist cake and looked at the ballroom. It was wide, and tall, the golden tower drapes in velvet cloths cascading down, hiding the tall windows from the outside. The orchestra music vibrating in every places. Everyone dancing on the shiny marble like floor.

Karkat lick his claws, the place is tacky and smelt of riches. His buzzed mind wonder if he be able to sneak upstairs to get to the highest point and be able to see the Vantas Manor. That would be epic. But looking around and seeing the big, tall, bulky Carpacian guards he quickly stomp on that idea.

Karkat refilled his plate a second time and quickly looked around, he walked by the windows until he find the tall double doors he heard his father describe so many times. One hand holding his plate, he looked around to make sure no one was watching and push the handle down and sneak out in the cold air.

It was dark outside, only light coming from the ballroom of the castle and the moon and stars.

There were a few lanterns light up in the maze like gardens but it was still pretty dark. It was breathtaking. Karkat still could hear the music muffled from the inside. Karkat slowly walked at the edge of the staircase to look down. Staircases curved around him to reach the ground floor. He just leaned on the balcony just taking the sight. He had three hours before midnight to eat and find the bench. And to just relax and enjoy the beautiful night and amazing delicious food that he didn’t have to make. Karkat took a bite of a square dessert.

Karkat took a deep breath and sigh happily, this was the good life. Good delicious food, and quite beautiful night. He pushed himself back and carrying his plate with one hand start to descend. Something purple catch his eyes when going down the stairs. He stopped and looked. There was a guy in beautiful ornate suit, purple and black, leg spread and arms limped in between. His head rested on his chest.

“Holy shit, hey are you alright?” Karkat rushed down and get to the guy. The man slapped Karkat hand away, raising his head enough to glare. Red piercing eyes with fire stare at him. Karkat nearly lost his balance from his crouching, resting his free hand on the grass to get his balance back, not wanting to lose any of his dessert, he stared right back.

Dave Strider, Prince of Derse. Well shit.

“Jesus fuck, did he send you too? What, I can’t have a fucking breather for five seconds before someone try to get into my pants.” The prince sneared.

Karkat blinked at him, the shock of knowing he just found the prince of Derse half asleep outside fade quickly. Karkat rolled his eyes at him and raised back up.

“Sorry to be concern, your highness,” Karkat spited out, “It’s not like you fucking looked like someone stabbed you and left for dead outside, dumbass.”

The prince, rest his arm on a bended knee, looking at Karkat. With his worn white blouse and used hand-me-down black pants the shoes had some mud stain on it. The troll finish the square in one bite, licking his fingers, just watching the prince back like he didn’t give a fuck that he just insulted a Prince.

“I could send you to prison for those comments.” Dave boredly said, he was just so tired.

Karkat barked out a laugh like he just heard the most hilarious shit ever. Karkat had just hearing the warning from his dad not even half an hour ago. That made Dave leaned his back on the cold wall of the castle to get a better look at the troll face. He never had that reaction before.

“Sure, why not, the only difference would be that I won't be making my own food, probably just serve it.” Karkat said with a shrug of his shoulder taking a ball of dusted white and pop it in his mouth. He moaned loudly.

“Holy shit, that is fucking delicious,” Karkat said taking the other one in his hand, mouth still full, “Did you had those before? Fucking christ it’s like an orgasim in my mouth, fuck.” Karkat continued looking mournfully at his half plate. “Should have grabbed more, dammit.” He mumbled to himself looking back up at the staircase and narrowed his eyes at the brightness of the ballroom.

Dave was baffled. Who the fuck was this guy. He watched the troll take the second patisserie in his mouth and moaned loudly again.

“You…” Dave trailed off, “You didn’t have a lot of orgasim in your life did you.” Dave snarked at the troll, part wanting to see what the man would do next, part because this was the most refreshing thing that happen since he landed hours ago.

“You didn’t have a lot of delicious food in your life do you asshole?” Karkat give him a look back and turned on his way toward the garden.

“Do you know who I am?” Dave had to yell, Karkat stopped and turn to look at the prince still sitting down on the ground, back on the wall.

“Dave Strider, Prince of Derse, douchelord on social media and never had good food in his life.” Karkat concluded, leaving the last white puff pastry on his plate, wanting to end it with a good note. He grabbed a small chocolate with something shiny on the top. He peered at it and pop it in his mouth.

His eye widen and stomp his foot on the ground, “Fuck that was sea salt! Holy shit!” Karkat exclaimed not looking at Dave who had slowly pushed himself up and walked toward the troll. Karkat looked at Dave, surprised that he was so close for a second and hand him over the sea salt topped chocolate wordlessly.

Dave looked at the chocolate then at Karkat, he shrugs and took it popping it in his mouth. It was really good. He must have shown something in his face because Karkat just grinned, showing his row of sharp teeth.

“Are you drunk?” Dave asked, because really that was the only reason why he would think someone called him an asshole and douchelord in the spend of 5 minutes.

“Nah, just a little buzz. Enough to still have fun and still fucking remember the day. Want another cake?” Karkat hand over a sponge like cake. Dave shook his head and watched Karkat just demolish the cake in two bites.

“But just enough to be loose tongue in front of royalty.” Dave deadpan, he wants to place his hands on his hips, but control himself. He felt that if he would do it, the troll would just laugh at him again.

“Nah that’s just me, when you hear enough stories of the Prince of Derse crying over videos of chicken, drunk on fucking fireball, it kind of humanize you guys-”

“-how did you-”

“-Kanaya is my best friends before she moved to Derse.” Karkat shrugs, “Hey are you still going to throw me in prison if I go in the garden?” Karkat point over his shoulder to the maze of hedge and flowers.

“Why?” Dave asked after a long pause

“My mom vandalized one of the benches 30 years ago, I want to find it.” Karkat turned and started walking to the entrance of the maze garden

“She what?” Dave exclaimed jogging to catch up to the troll.

“30 years ago, my dad proposed to my mother in this garden, in celebration she carved their initials on one of the benches. It was fucking beautiful and romantic, shut the hell up. “ He bites into a fudge, and made a face, it wasn’t as good, too flaky, he quickly finish it off anyway.

Karkat suddenly stops and looked at the Prince behind him with a frown.

“You know you can fuck off right? Get your breather and that shit, I’m not going to vandalized the garden-”

“-of course not, your mother already did why would you.” Dave sarcastically said, hand in his pocket.

“Dude, if there is one thing I would vandalize it be the kitchen. Fucking steal a whole tray of those puff patisserie. Shit was delicious man.” Karkat said waving his hands. HIs plate was now empty. He folded and shove it in his back pocket to throw it out later.

“I mean, you were fucking pissed when I got here. Because I was concerned when it looked like someone just threw a body out the window.”

Dave shrugged but when Karkat didn’t say anything else the prince saw that the troll wasn’t looking behind him, he was expecting to actually talk.

“Don’t know, I’m just exhausted, you wouldn’t understand.”

“Rich people business.” Karkat concludes jumping on one of the benches they found and looked at the columns. Hands softly going over the many carvings.

“I kind of expected you to talk non stop actually, from what Kanaya said you usually can’t shut up.” Karkat continued jumping down. “I’m actually surprised that I’m the one who is talking the most. Probably the fucking alcohol talking.”

Karkat continued walking and find another bench pretty quickly he sat on it looking around before looking up at Dave.

“Come on, out with it dude,”Karkat waves at him patting on the bench next to him.

Dave hesitated but sat down they look at the roses bush in silence Karkat looking up at the stars.

“Just-“. Dave rubbed the back of his neck hand going in his hair, ruining the work his hairdresser did prior. Fuck it he doesn’t know why but the troll is drunk if not on drinks with the fucking many cakes he just inhaled.

“- it’s stupid, I’ve been traveling back and forth from Derse and Prospit and working on borrowed time none stop, I didn’t even have a second for myself in the past 6 weeks, and when I finally manage to get out a troll barge in asking me if I ever had donut before.”

“Did you?” Karkat said head tilt to look at the Prince with the edge of his eyes.

“Yeah,” Dave let out a sigh.

“Good, their fucking delicious. Can’t afford it at home so I’m going to stock up before I leave.”

Dave laugh shaking his head who is this guy.

“Who are you?” Dave asked peering from his fingers

“Karkat Vantas, nice to meet you.” Karkat said raising his hand and they shook it.

“Now better fucking listen up, I’m going to give you prompt time advice and you better be grateful motherfucker.” Karkat said nodding to himself pushed himself up to stand hands on his hip looking down at Dave.

“You don’t have to motherfucking schedule every single hour of your day. That’s fucking ridiculous and stupid. And if those asshole say that you should then fucking schedule two day downtime none negotiable. Get the flying fuck out of town and get in some BNB or some shit. Whatever prince does fuck probably like the pantsuit at the five star hotel or some shit.” Karkat waves that way before pointing a finger at the prince.

“Whatever, two mothefucking days a week, fuck away and fuck all. Eat, sleep and stay fucking warm. Send postcard or selfie Twitter or whatever shit. Just. Yeah” Karkat huffed deflating from his angry speech.

“I don’t think that-“

“Did I fucking stutter you dipshit. What you think I just fucking give advice to whoever I fucking find on the ground? Fuck you! fuck you and the shit silver horse your ride on! “

Karkat throw his hand the air and stump away on his way to the center of the maze. He had memorized the damn layout of this garden since he was 12 he could do this blindfolded.

“I’m pretty sure you just talk because you like the sound of your voice-“ Dave said catching up again making Karkat let out a sarcastic bark of laughter.

“I can’t just turn off my duties to the kingdoms. I can just have a weekend I don’t have that luxury and I can’t even start with the bullshit that just came out of your mouth holy shit dude. How in the fuck are you not already in jail.”

Karkat stop hand on Dave chest to make him stop “look, your highness, I don’t give a fuck that you are a prince, I don’t give a fuck if you be the pope or queen of the whole world. And really if you're so fucking concern about your duties. Think of this. You can’t do your quote duties unquote in the fucking hospital because your fucking overwork yourself Jesus, the fuck. You're just a fucking human being! You need a breather… and probably a cookie what the fuck do you eat your like a pogo stick!” Karkat took a step back to look at Dave and sneers.

“Urg whatever, I’ll just find the fucking bench and leave you alone.”

Karkat turned back around and continue on, turning right and left, doing the journey like he imagine doing for years. Until it opens to a circle entrance, a gazebo with slowly grappling on its wall, a beautiful metal bench with roses design in its center.

“Well if that’s isn’t it.” Karkat stopped his train of thought, ignored the Derse prince behind him and get to work. The wood of the gazebo was full of engraving of couples and other lovers that came before him.

“Wow there is a lot…” Dave said in a low whisper as his hand graze some of the many initial on the other side of Karkat.

Karkat had found it. His hand trace his mother initial, he felt tears in his eyes. He sighed and goes to sit down, unearthing a napkin in his pocket and dab away the pink tears, he leaned on the bench head on the back looking at the ceiling. More drawings and carving at the top.

Dave sit down and look up too.

“There is not enough dicks.” Dave said looking at the ceiling.

“I’m starving.”

Dave scoff and turn his head to look at the troll  
“How? Didn’t you just eat a full plate of cake?”

Karkat snickers, “one, LOL” he giggled and let out a sigh, wrapping his arms around himself, it was getting chilly.

“So you are friend with Kanaya? She is pretty cool. Made my suit.”

“Really, fucking great! She always wanted to be a designer. So good for her.”

“Yeah, and like...she is very good for Rose too. Grounding or some shit.”

Karkat hummed.

“I’m going to need more of those fucking puff what you call them Donut? Delicious. I tried to see if they had the chocolate pudding but didn’t see it. Did you see it?”

“No?”

“You miss it dude, like okay, I only had it when I was...shit 10? And its the most creamiest chocolate thing I ever had tasted, I tried to replicated at home but like fuck. Something in the spices-”

“-probably just use the box shit-”

“No no no!” Karkat exclaimed and turn to lecture the prince, “You don’t fucking get it okay, that shit was home made. I’m talking melted chocolate bar and whipped shit okay. I know I can taste the difference. And they added maybe cinnamon? But something else. I know it's not a nut because of his royal highness John. and it’s not vanilla, it’s more spicy than this, and the sweetness and spiciness...arg...I’m getting hungry. Fuck.” Karkat groaned rubbing his forehead. He probably need water too but fuck that shit. If he is going down in a food coma he is going full house.

“I never had anyone lecture me about food, and I dated professional chefs.”

“Probably because they cared on being the next fucking princess more than about feeding you.” Karkat snark back and stood up. He looked at his parents initial one last time before getting out, looking behind him to see that the prince is follow him.

“You really don’t care that I am a prince and can make your life a living hell.”

Karkat laugh.

“Dude, your highness. I’m a housekeeper. I clean and make food for a living. And I’m not being paid.” Karkat said looking over his shoulder. “We have a huge house, my father foster a lot of children, someone has to stay and take care of the house.” He gestured to himself, “I already have no life. Can’t bring me to hell if I already am a badass manager in there.”

“Then why are you here? You just literally gave me a speech about chocolate pudding. If you already don’t have a life why do you care.”

They are already out of the maze, just as fast since Karkat didn’t pause so many time this time.

Karkat place his hands on his hips and sigh defeated and turned to look at the prince with a pointed stare.

“I just say I take care of a house for foster children. My life is already over, theirs are not. I care for them. I care for them to have a motherfucking better life and chance then I ever will. You can send me or fucking threaten me to prison life. I don’t care, because at least their life will be fucking better.” Karkat hissed, “now where the fuck is the kitchen, I need to steal a full fucking tray of donut, whatever the name is.” Karkat trailed off marching back to the stairs.

Dave stopped him by grabbing the sleeves of his shirt and pull him the opposite side.

“Come on, this way.” Dave said pulling him away from the stairs. Karkat stumble in his step but follow suit in surprised by the determination the Prince has. He been looking down and very exhausted. Karkat just want to force feed him and wrap him in warm blanket, which is a weird train of thought that he been stomping down because it's the fucking prince of Derse, he can have the fuck he wants.

“Wait seriously? You know I was just joking right? I can’t steal a whole fucking tray...I mean I probably can eat it not gonna lie, but it will be a bitch of a stomach ache tomorrow.” Karkat mumble, Dave letting go of his shirt. Dave didn’t say anything as they walk alongside of the castle until he found what he was looking for, a small door with a fogged small square window. It was lock from this side but Dave only knock on it loudly. A cook open it and recognised the prince, letting them inside.

“Feeling better your highness?” the cook asked looking between Karkat and Dave.

“Yes, this is…” Dave trailed off looking at the troll, there are no words, “a friend, he was talking about a chocolate pudding and sounded really good, do you know of it?”

The chef smile blindly, she knew exactly what Karkat was talking about.

“Also, can you box some donuts? To take out?” Dave added when the chef show them to a small table and two chairs for breaks, out of the way of the kitchen for them to sit and wait.

Karkat mouth was open as he just watch the cooks move around, the business and the loud sounds of scraping and fire burning.

“This is...amazing.” Karkat let out, resting his head in his hands, leaning on the table as he watch everything. He is going to get the pudding. He is actually watching them making it!!

“I can die happy now, throw me in jail for all I care, holy fuck.”

“You’re easy to please.” Dave teased,

“Ngh! This is the chocolate pudding, only made in the fucking castle of Prospit, I couldn’t find the recipe anywhere,” Karkat hand slap on Dave’s arm.

“See! Melted chocolate. Fucking told you” Karkat hissed pointing, then groan when the chef had pull out a contain of pre-grounded spices mixing it in the pudding. The chef place it in two beautiful bowl and bring it to them with a spoon

Karkat actually giddy, clapping his hands together when the pudding was in front of him, making the chef chuckles.

Karkat just stare at it for a second taking a deep breath. Smelling the rich chocolate aroma, he took his spoon and took a first bite.

“cinnamon, I was right, and...humm” Karkat mumble mouth full, letting the pudding melt on his tongue. “Chilli? Humm.”

Dave was eating with vigor, he was really consider just using his finger to wipe the rest of the pudding, it was really good. Fuck it, he wipe the rest with his finger and lick it. Dave opened his eyes, he didn’t even notice that he had them close and see that Karkat had done the same.

“That was fucking delicious.”

“Fucking told you, oh!” The chef carefully slide a paper folded box to the table, “Thank you!” Karkat said hand over the box to slide it closer to him

“No, thank you!” The chef said winking at Dave before grabbing the bowls, Karkat unseeing Dave making gesture at the chef to cut the crap.

Dave turned to look and Karkat had already three donut in his mouth and one in his hand and a look of deer in highlight. Dave let out a laugh before he could bury it. The chef look pleased.

“Come on, let’s go up.” Dave said said taking the box away from the troll, he wanted to leave so they wouldn’t be in the chef's underfoot. Karkat let out a small indignant sounds hand grabbing toward the box.

Karkat follow the prince out and the guards didn’t question it letting them up the stairs.

“I don't think I’m supposed to be here.” Karkat said looking at all the paintings and really expensive sculpture, he placed a donut in his mouth.

“Probably not. Here” Dave opened the door of one of the rooms, it's a library reading area. There is tall bookshelf full of books, a beautiful red lush carpet and comfortable sofa with plush cushion. Lamps next to small side desk. A written desk on a corner that Karkat could tell that probably cost more than the mortgage of the Vantas house jesus christ. Dave had just stride at home and pushed the double door to the chilly outside.

“Wow…” Karkat let out walking behind the prince as he watches the view. He could see so far in the horizon.

“Oh shit I can see the house!” Karkat said rushing to the edge and point at the bright blue hue of his house. The brightness of the Prospit Kingdom was like star light in the night sky.

Dave took one donut and leaned his arms on the ledge. The wind on them, the music muffled with the sound of people laughing and talking.

“Its fucking beautiful.. Super weird that Prospit is more beautiful at night than in the morning.” Karkat said looking down at the box. Only three left already, he took another one, pushing the box toward the Prince, letting Dave eat the rest. He wasn’t disappointed.

“Derse looks more beautiful in the morning than at night.” Dave said watching the horizon.

Karkat hummed, “If you could do anything, no consequences, what would you do?” he added after a moment of pause.

Dave thinks carefully. “No consequence?”

“None, no duties, money not a factor, no responsibility, you can do fuck all.”

“Shit man, I don’t know, huh...what would you do?”

“Eat my way around the world” Karkat answered right away, Dave raised his eyebrow at his new friend.

“Seriously?”

“I don’t know why you're so fucking surprised, You just saw me stuff my fucking face in dessert all night, of fucking course I want to eat at every restaurant in the world. Plus it would be good to see the sights.” Karkat said folding the box flat now that it’s empty and leaned his weight on the ledge too.

“I would go back to school.” Dave answered honestly looking back the horizon, “study bones, and archeology. Sociology. Make music. That type of shit.”

“That sounds fucking awesome, why don’t you?”

“Because I’m the prince of Derse? I can’t just study whatever I want, I need to stay in place and-”

“Who the fuck told you that? Didn’t your her royal highness, future Queen studies literature and psychology?

“Yeah but-”

“And his royal highness Dirk, in engineering and programing?”

“That’s different-”

“Kanaya is a fashion designer, Her royal highness Jade Harley is in Horticulture. You studying to learn about the past and sociology makes fucking sense for the kingdom either way. Do the fuck you want dude.”

“What about you heh? Why don’t you up and away?”

“Because three things dipshit.” Karkat show him three fingers and tick them off, “One, money; two, I dropped out of high school; three, i’m a fucking asshole. I’m nothing important, my job, is to make sure everyone else get it better, and I’m fucking good at it.”

Dave could hear that Karkat was talking by experience, people told him...repeatedly, that he was...nothing. That was the most bullshit he ever heard him say.

“That’s a load of fucking bullshit, and I heard you say a lot of fucking bullshit tonight and that is the worst, seriously? Dude! You could identify a fucking bar of chocolate by the smell, you know the spice from one taste. You had a maze memories that you could navigate through it even when drunk. No you shut the fuck up!” Dave said pulling Karkat around holding him back the arms and glare.

“You fucking yelled at me, laughed at me, then gave me stupid advice because you somehow cared for my well being when you don’t even know me, or i’m not even the royalty of your fucking kingdom. You-”

Dave paused looked at Karkat red eye, he looked...scared.

“You are more than just nothing okay? I was in a fuck today, my mind wasn’t really...good, and you fucking stomp in here and just...you helped. So...yeah, thanks or whatever. So just don’t fucking talk about yourself like that.-”

Karkat snapped his hold away and take a step back

“What the fuck do you know about my life dude, your a fucking prince, you had your education, cloths, a home. I-I’m wearing my older brother hand-me-downs. The only thing I legit own in my own name is my laptop and even then my sister used it to do her homework or we want to watch movies together. The only fucking thing I ever be good at is clean and cook. That’’s fucking it. And like you made fucking clear I should be in jail long time ago by just the fucking way I talk!”

Karkat huffed cheek red and pink tears in his eyes, he rubbed them out with the back of his hands.

“Just- dammit, yeah I fucking know that royalty has it rough sometimes but at least you have your own fucking room with a lock dammit-”

The bells start to ring.

“Great, great! What time is it now, for fuck sakes-” Karkat hissed and look down the ledge, he doesn’t have a phone or a watch.

“Why so you're going to run away cinderella?” Dave spatted

Karkat let out a sarcastic laugh and stomp away to get out of the room.

“By the time you get to bed your highness, I’m usually up making breakfast and lunch for ten people so fuck you, i’m out, thanks for the pudding and what not” Karkat throw the empty box and plate that was still in his back pocket in the trashcan and salute the prince before getting out of here. He was exhausted and full of sugar. He has a long day ahead of him tomorrow.

Dave turned back and look down at the traffic, the fuck was wrong with him. He hear a girl scream happily down and look just in time to see a young troll hug tightly at Karkat she start to talk aimlessly, as they follow an older man who is carrying a kid in his arm. Dave leaned his head on his arm as he watches the first people leave the ballroom.

Whatever, not his problem.

\---

“DAVE!” Someone squeak before jumping in Dave’s bed waking him in surprised pushing off whoever lash on him.

The person fell off the bed with an ouff and laugh.

“Jesus fuck, Jade. What the fuck?” Dave groan rubbing his head, he felt like he was hungover but he didn’t drink, just eat a fuck ton of sweets and lack of sleep. He fell back down on his bed with a huff.

Jade, a few years younger than him and the princess of Prospit. She had her long black hair braided and her fluffy pj on as she just jumped back on the bed making them bounce a little.

“I heard a rumour that you made a friend yesterday” she said friend with a wiggle eyebrow suggestively.

“Ew no Jade, he was an asshole, nothing like that .”

“What! No come on! Give me deets the chef said you laugh! I haven’t heard you laugh for years...not counting when my brother does something stupid of course.”

Dave groaned and rubbed his face and looked at his friend. He knew getting that puddings last night would come bite him in the ass.

“It’s nothing, just a troll found me outside and I followed him because the dude was drunk and probably sugar high, I didn’t want to see whatever mess he would have done in the garden.”

“The garden is already full of dicks, it’s more than that, I can feel it Dave. John said you looked really… sad when you left for some air last night. And you didn’t come back in. We were worried.” Jade said sadly.

They all are, watching Dave intensely, making sure that he would crash from overworking. They just wished that he would take a break or stay in one kingdom, set shop in one place instead of the back and forth he been doing for the past year.

“I fell asleep.” Dave sigh, admitting, he scoot back to rest his back on the headrest of the bed to look at Jade better instead of the cranking of his neck lying down.

“You fell asleep! Outside Dave you could have got sick!” Jade exclaimed waking at his arm.

“I know! I’m sorry okay l- I’m just tired okay.” He didn’t want to admire that. He was going to say he was tired last night that he is better now with some rest but he is still so exhausted.

Jade pout angry at him.

“You need a BNB-“

“What?” Dave voice cracked replaying Karkat angry words at him in his mind.

“Bed and breakfast. You need a few days off Dave, non negotiable! Take today and tomorrow off, sleep in and get the chef to bring in food in bed. You’ve been stretching yourself thin Dave.” She placed a comforting hand on his arm. Dave looked at her mouth agape and eyes wide.

“You need some rest and recharge your batteries. I’m fuckig taking your phone. No work I’m stating it right now. It’s decided, John would agree with me.” She nodded to herself making her mind.

In quick movement she rolled off the bed and snatched his phone before he could stop her, but he didn’t even make a move to stop her he was still far away in his mind.

She frown at her friend.

“Dave?”

“Un-fucking-believable.” He burst out laughing it sounded forced and fake making Jade more worried about him.

“So he was working with you guys huh?-“

“-what?”

“Unbelievable, you all went low really did you hired him to say all that shit? What was he an actor? Fucking incredible.”

“What the fuck are you talking about!” Jade angrily said hand on her hips. she didn’t like the pissing angry passive aggressive Dave.

“Karkat! The troll last night! You guys send him didn’t you-“

“Who the fuck is Karkat?! I have no fucking clue what your talking about Dave!” Jade yelled right back and that snapped Dave shut.

“You- what? He said the same fucking thing last night! You guys must have sent him just to get me to stop working or take a break-“

“-you do need a break dammit Dave! We didn’t hire anyone or send anyone after you when you went for some air last night okay! I have no fucking clue who the fuck you're talking about.”

“The troll!”

“I don’t know any troll! Well except for terezi and Kanaya but that’s beyond the point! I don’t know who you're talking about but you fucking need rest before we find peloids full of your passout cadavre. “ Jade angry said pointing at her friend. “For fuck sakes Dave, I am SICK of seeing you drive yourself thin. I am fucking SICK of your asshole shit Dave. So i’m fucking taking your phone and locking you in here until you get a good 12 fucking hours of sleep and no fucking work. Got it?”

“I...okay, okay sorry Jade. I’m sorry.” Dave said rubbing his eyes, “I just overreact okay, he just said the same thing you just did and I overreact okay.”

“Okay, well-” Jade huff a raspberry, “Fine, whatever, now who the fuck is Karkat?”

“The guy I was with yesterday, he was...drunk I think? On sugar probably, he was loud, he was-” Kind, angry, passionate...different, Dave didn’t say any of that just dropped his arms on his side.

Jade sat down on the edge of the bed looking at Dave with a kind expression.

“What was his name, Kakar?-”

“Karkat, Karkat Vantas. He was loud and a fucking asshole.” Dave answered a bit to soft and he knew that Jade caught that.

“Vantas? That sounds familiar, Oh of course! A Mr. Vantas is in the parliament.”

“A Vantas is working in the government?” Dave said astonished. He was just imagining a tall karkat screaming swears in a business suit. It was actually pretty funny, he would love to see that.

“One of them anyway,” Jade wave it away, “I didn’t know he had another son. I’ve only seen one of them. He kind of give me the jeebies.” Jade continued chewing on her lips in thought.

“The father?”

“No, the son, doesn’t matter, look Dave.” Jade placed a hand on his shoulder, “We are royalty, we are public figures, we have to show responsibility. And mental health is a big one too. Showing to everyone that needing to take care of yourself is a good thing.”

Dave looks down his lap. “I just...I feel like I would fail if I stop-”

“-does your phone breaks if it’s low on battery?”

“No?”

“Exactly, you just plug it in to charge it until it’s at 100% again, your body is your phone. You need to be recharged so that you can continue working 100%, get it?”

“Oddly enough, yeah. You’re pretty good at this.” Dave said incredible.

“I know,” Jade said proudly standing up. “Now, I’m going to take your phone, you’re going to nap, and I’m going to tell the chef to send a tray of good carb food. So rest up, because when I come back and I don’t see you had sleep at all, I’m going to fucking kick your ass then shoot you in the dick.” She smiled and close the door.

Dave knew that she would hold that promise and lied back down. Not wanting to get shot in the dick and also because he couldn’t stay sitting up for much longer anyway.

\---

“Travos your fucking bag-”

“-got it! Gamzee come on-”

“-Aradia get off the phone, make sure your sister has everything-” Karkat hissed at the teen, shoving the lunch box paper bag in the kids bags.

Aradia had met a boy of all things at the ball and been texting him since that night. Karkat is pretty sure that she didn’t sleep.

“-Nepeta, Meulin, Premea, come on girls-” The Nanny taking the car keys, Karkat give the girls their bag as they said their good-byes.

“-Karkat I will be going to get the groceries after I drop the girls, Damara-” She continued looking down at the girls, fixing Nepeta’s label.

“-I got my things, Thanks!” A smaller version of Aradia her hair braided tightly around her head, her horns curling.

“-everyone lets go, lets go-”

“-Bye brother!-”

“-Thanks Karkat!-”

The door slam shut behind everyone. Leaving the mansion silent, the wall creek. Karkat heart dropped. Compare to the silent at the ball yesterday, this one is...lonely. Karkat shook his head, he doesn’t have time to be feeling sad at his pathetic life. He went to the living room the long table was a mess from breakfast with crumbs, crumpled napkins and dirty plates. Karkat quickly went to work.

Cleaning the table off, placing the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. Going outside with just his jacket and clean the chicken coop and feed those devils. Grabbing their eggs for tomorrow. Went to the greenhouse and start to water their plots. The greens are growing well, Karkat thinks they will have a very good crop this year. He will have to search more canning recipes later.

Going back inside, he continued his job. Cleaning and making the beds of the kids, groaning at the purple liked tissues. Fucking Gamzee, seriously he is 16 and have his own matesprit next door. He has a bathroom, he doesn’t have to leave those shit on the floor god dammit.

By the time Dolorosa came back, the laundry was being done and Karkat had a pie in the oven. He was folding the laundry watching the tv.

“Karkat, darling, could you help me with the bags?” She asked sweetly. She has been working for Vantas since Kankri was a wringler, she thought Karkat everything, she even consider him as her own son sometimes.

Karkat helped with the bags and restock the pantry and freezer.

“Why don’t you tell me about the ball, how was it? Nepeta discuss it on the way to school. She enjoyed herself very much.” Dolorosa asked sitting next to Karkat as she helps in folding clothes and towels.

“I eat my weight in cakes, then find the Prince of Derse, found my parents engagement engravings and eat chocolate pudding.”

Dolorosa paused in her folding and blinked at the young troll.

“There is so much in this sentence I don’t know where to start.”

Karkat shrugs and continues his folding game.

“I will start with the beginning, you ate cakes?”

“Every sweats on that table, they had those ball of pastry, his highness called it donut, fucking most delicious thing I ever taste. I had a whole box of it later. I have no regret.”

“His..highness, you are not lying to me are you Karkat-”

“-I never lied and you fucking know it. Everyone just don’t believe me.”

“You mean Aradia and your father.” Dolorosa said accepting the towel from Karkat to fold and place with the other.

“Probably, to long of a list.”

“So you met the Prince of Derse?”

“Yeah, fucker was asleep on the ground outside looked like he was fucking stabbed and had the audacity to be mad when I was concern. the dick.”

“Karkat please,” Dolorosa plead looking down at the young troll.

“Dude an idiot and is going to crash if he doesn’t take a break.” Karkat deadpan, placing the folded clothes in the basket to bring it up in the kids room. Dolorosa sigh part disappointed, part defeated. He learned this from his father. She tried.

“You found the bench than? And pudding?”

Karkat light up and talked about finding the place and then the prince bringing him to the kitchen and he got to see the homemade pudding being made and he was so right, about the chocolate and the spices, it had a hint of chili, he wants to try some test next time. And then they went up and he was able to see the whole kingdom horizon and it was beautiful.

“Sounds like you had a good time, I’m glad, if there is someone that deserve it it is you.”

Karkat shrugs and pick up the basket turning to look at the woman.

“Aradia found a boy, a Captor I think. So there is a future for her.”

“Yes, Damara told me, he is a sweet boy, will be taking over the honey farm.” Dolorosa said continuing folding the towels and bedsheets in the basket. She folded her hands delicately on her lap looking up at Karkat.

“But you know that you also-”

Karkat winced and turned away leaving the room quickly, he didn’t want to have that conversation again. Karkat accept his life, he is going to stay here and take care of any foster kids his dad brings in. The entrance and staircase wall is full of pictures of the previous foster kid that had long gone graduate and are in college/university or career. Karkat is the only one that had stayed. He cares for this house, for those kids. If no one else is going to care, then he will stay and do what he has to do. He… yes, he feels lonely and sometimes wish he had someone to take care of him for a change.

Karkat stops in the middle of the hallway, the many bedroom doors decorated with posters, and stickers with their name in colourful letters. He had given his room to travos when they took him in ten years ago. He been rooming in the small room next to the kitchen since. Karkat roll his shoulder and continue his work through the loneliness pain. It will pass, like usual.

\---  
Two week pass, nothing extraordinary happy in the Vantas house, until Signless came in with the mail one day.

“Karkat, you have a package,” His father said dropping a box on the counter island next to Karkat who was hand deep in a dish.

“Package? Who is it from?”

“Not sure, its from Derse-”

“Kanaya?”

“It doesn’t have an address, maybe?” the Signless shrug as he open the other mail that contains bills and invoices for the month. Karkat finished what he was working on before placing it in the fridge to rest. He wash his hands and bring the box closer to him.

It only had the postage typed address of his name and Vantas estate. With the Derse emblem. Using his claws he snitch the tape and get it open. It had a metal cookie contain and a knitted sweater. He pulled the black sweater. It had his sign on the breast and the derse colour emblem. He placed it on and pull the tin open to see some sticky buns and cookies. There was an envelope at the end. He popped a sticky bun in his mouth, licking his fingers as he opened the letter.

> Dear Asshole,
> 
> I want to say that you are right and that I am sorry, but I am not sorry. I took your advice however, well. I took my friends advice because I wanted to keep my dick where it is. I took a few days to rest and I actually feel better. I have scheduled a day off in my week just for me. I also open two hours just for me every day now. I used it to read about archeology and other stuff.
> 
> As a thank you I send you some bake goods delicacy from Derse. I also send you a knitted sweater that Kanaya was planning to send you for your birthday. It’s part of the bigger present package. Keep waiting for that my dude its fucking rad as shit.
> 
> All in all, i’m just saying, if I tried, you should too. Do something you always want that makes you happy. Be fucking selfish for once dude. Enjoy the sweets
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Dave “Asshole” Strider, Prince of Derse. Motherfucking rad person.

Karkat had slid down onto the floor, back on the island as he read the letter, mouth agash. He got baked goods, from the prince of Derse. He looked down at the sweater. He was warm and well made and loved. He could tell that it was from Kanaya and couldn’t wait to receive the rest for his birthday. The sticky buns were good, but it could be better. They probably been better fresh and warm right from the oven.

What should he do. What can he do with this information. He should...send something back. He picked the envelope back and noticed there was something else in it. It was a note card. It had a list of ingredients. To make the Prospit Chocolate Pudding. If Karkat wasn’t already on the floor, he would have been now. Holy shit. The Prince not only gave him sweets, but the recipe for the chocolate pudding. Karkat felt like crying. Why? Why, he doesn’t deserve this. He fucking yelled and treat a fucking prince like shit. He gave some advice out of drunken stupor and that’s about it. Why the fuck does the Prince of Derse care?

Dolorosa found him sitting on the floor, head in his hands as he sob, unsure what to feel. SHe rushed to his side and hold him tight. Karkat tell her that he is fine, he will be fine, fuck. She just shoosh pat and pet his hair bercing him. Vantas came in running after he heard the sounds coming from the kitchen. One hand on Karkat’s shoulder he see the letter on the ground.

He picked it up and see the Prince of Derse personalized stamp at the end of the handwritten letter. Vantas jaw drop and look up at the counter. He stood up to see the box and the container of sweet., he looked down at his son who is having a breakdown wearing a handmade sweater over his t-shirt.

\---

“I’m going to troll him-”

“Karkat do not troll the Prince of Derse,” Vantas said pinching the bridge of his nose.

“-I am. This dick thinks he can say sorry not sorry on my ass, he has another thing coming. Also, the cakes, had better. Where’s my laptop, I'm going to message Kanaya.”

Vantas sigh defeated and look at Dolorosa, Karkat stomping away in the living room to get his laptop.

“If he gets arrested for antagonizing the Prince of Derse, I’m not paying bail.”

“You say that, but only Kankri ever was arrested.” Dolorosa pointed out with a sly grin.

“My children ladies and gentlemen, one get arrested, the other troll royalty. I’m going to my office, I need a drink” Vantas said shaking his head leaving the kitchen, stop in his tracks and back peddle to grab a sticky bun and two cookies.

“I’m taking those!’ and he stomped to his office. Like father like son, Dolorosa thought with a kind smile.

Karkat after a few explaining to Kanaya, he get an address to mail to Dave without it going through his guard.

Karkat did his best batch of cookies, and seal them perfectly, with instruction to warm them up first bitch.

Karkat only wrote a small notecard with it.

IT WOULD BE BETTER WARMED ASSHOLE. TRY AGAIN.

KARKAT VANTAS

Dave eat the whole box in one setting and wasn’t even sorry. This was a challenge, Dave knew Karkat was trolling him, was basically asking him to try again. And he was falling for it. He is going to do this.

“I’m going to woo him.” Dave said still looking at the note. The handwriting was blocky like it was written by a child.

“Woo who?” Terezi asked hitting her cane on the sofa before finding her chair and slump down.

“A troll in Prospit, name is Karkat-”

“-you met Karkat? I’m sorry.”

Dave frown at his friend's tone of voice.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“That guy is...a piece of work. Think he is better than everyone, one day just stopped coming to school and we never saw him again. He was weird anyway. Would rant about romance when he never had a successful relationship in his life.” She blarh waving her hand about

“He quit school to take care of his sisters-”

“-thats stupid, he has a help at home, why?”

“...help?” Dave said with disdain, he knew Terezi since he was a teenager, he never heard her be so degrading before. There was some jokes yes but usually because of her blindness and not about cleaners.

“Yeah you know, “ she wave around the room.  
Dave glared, “Get out.” He hissed through clenched jaw

“What why? I just got in here!”

“Get out of my house, and never come back- you can officially call this friendship close. Over, terminated. Out.” Dave jumped up and point at his door. Terezi huffed and stood up again using her cane.

“Whatever, not like I care.” she huffed and hit his leg with more strength than needed and Dave knew she did that on purpose.

Dave send two more packages before he went back to Prospit for a job. Receiving the blocky letters and hearing stories from Kanaya was the highlight of his day. Dave had made sure to take some of those sticky buns, warm just out of the oven, they were still warm in the box after he was done at the transporter. He got his driver to get to the Vantas Estate.

The house was much bigger then was Dave expected.

“Are you sure he will be here sir?” One of his guards asked behind him. Dave couldn’t stop smiling, he couldn’t WAIT to see the trolls’ face.

“He will, he said it himself, he never leaves the house. He will be there.” Dave rings the bell. No one answer, Dave frowns. He ring it again.

“I’m coming jesus christ wait a fucking seconds!” A voice yelled inside the house. The door wrenched open.

Karkat was wearing the homemade sweaters and sweatpants. Fluffy rabbits on his feet. Outraged snarl on his face. Dave open the box to show the still warm sticky buns. He smiles.

Karkat blinked, mouth agape. The Prince of Derse is at his door, with a box of sticky buns. Two guards behind him looking threatening but also like they can’t believe they have to do this. Karkat looked in the box. It had four sticky buns, they looked warm and delicious.

If this is how he is going to play, then Karkat can. He looked at Dave boredly and take one bun, eating it in two quick bite. He munched looking up like if he is thinking if it taste better. It does, like hella better but he won't give Dave the satisfaction. Karkat lick his teeth.

“That’s better.” Karkat said satisfying before closing the door in Dave’s face.

“Oh come on! You can admit it, Derse Dessert are highly better!” Dave yelled through the door smiling.

Karkat opened the door again with a glare.

“Please, you saw me eat my weight in those puff pat-”

“I know you know they are called Donuts-”

“-whatever, and they are you can guess! Prosprit!”

“You want another one? Because I don’t want them to get cold”

Karkat take a deep breath and huffed roll his eyes and side step as a way for them to get it.

“Come in, in my luck, the house will be in the peloids by tomorrow.” Karkat deadpan.

“Nice place!” Dave said looking at the entrance.

There was a wardrobe on the left and a small table on the right before the archway. The walls were full of picture frames of various troll kids. Dave didn’t know where to start looking but then Karkat just glared at him and point at the archway.

Dave is giddy, and skip toward the archway, it was just a small living room before getting in the dining room with a long table with doodle and groove on it. It had such a warm feeling around it. Karkat moved behind him and went to the next room on the side. It was the kitchen, a large industrial fridge, a double sink with a window above. The long island counter in the middle. Karkat waved to the stool hidden under the island and pull one out.

“Really nice house, so homey and warmth.” Dave said dropping the box in the middle of the island and pull a chair, sitting across from Karkat.

“Thank you, why are you here?” Karkat went straight to the point.

Dave just blink and waved at the box like it would answer everything. Karkat looked at the body guards then back to Dave.

“Why are you here?”

Dave sigh, shoulder drops. “Fine, you’re no fun-”

“Thank you, I try-”

Dave snark, grinning, and took a sticky buns. “I’m here for two weeks for a job, I thought it would be fun to hang out?”

“Seriously? Dude, are you fucking kidding me?”

“What it’s true! There is this restaurant, I want to take you-”

“Are you,” Karkat paused, pushing himself on the counter to look at the prince, Dave just munch on the bun and blink curiously at him. “Are you asking me out?”

Dave brain kind of blanked.

Does he...at first it was just for giggles and just to get the troll to yell but...does he?

“Huh.” Dave thinks, leaning an arm on the counter thinking, finishing the sticky buns.

Karkat glares, fire in his eyes.

“If you’re just going to string me along, giving me dessert just for fun, I’m going to ask you to get the fuck out of my house.” Karkat hissed, showing his fangs.

“Calm the fuck down, I’m thinking, jesus, don’t get your pants in a twist.” Dave rolled his eyes, “Have another bun, let me consider this.” He leaned his chin on his hand as he watches Karkat with a soft smile.

Karkat snarl but still took another bun, He look at the guards, “Is he always like this?” he said with distant. The two guards look at each other but didn’t say anything. The look was good enough.

“In a way it’s all up to you.” Dave finally said. “You will be dating royalty, you will be in the media, people going to hunt every part of you-“

“-are you sure you want to date a highschool dropout hermit? I’m a house keeper your highness, I clean the chicken coop and fucking genetic material soaked tissue daily because fucking teenagers don’t understand fucking disency.”  
Karkat snorted and roll his eyes.

“You have chickens?!”

Karkat blinked at the prince exclamation.

“That’s what you focus on, really?” Karkat huffed and point over his shoulder forcefully at the window.

“We have 8, trying to convince my dad to get a rooster so that we can get chicks. I be a good side business.”

“Oh my god,” Dave let out he is imagining the angry troll surrounded by baby chicks.

“I’m in if you are?” Dave said, “you will have to have protection when you leave your house, and maybe get your family some training on how to talk to media and-“

“Your highness-“

“Dave.”

“What?” Karkat said confused. Eyebrow crinkle adorably

“If were going to do the tango together, call me Dave.” Dave said hand on Karkat’s wriggling his eyebrow. Not missing the tick of a smile on the trolls face.

“Dave, were motherfucking Vantas. We’ve been on the media before since my dad is a politician. Dating royalty…” he trailed off with a shrug, “we can handle ourselves. Dolorosa will need guard however, she is the one who goes out.” He mused in the end tangling their fingers together.

“But seriously, are you sure you want to be seen in public with this?” Karkat waved at himself. He is fat, wearing homemade sweater with comfy clothings because he didn’t give a fuck and didn’t expect a fucking prince to show up at his door step.

Dave shrugs, “For years, I dated who people expect me to date, and it was...fucking awful. In one time in my life I fucking want to do whatever the shit I want. And if its dating you, then fuck anyone else say, I’m motherfucking going to date the SHIT out of you.”

“-Karkat, I’m back! I think you should take a look at the chicken coop again, it look like a beast tried to…” Dolorasa trailed off coming from a doorway next to the kitchen. She looked from Karkat to the prince to the guards then at their joint hands then back to Karkat.

“Dolorosa, this is Dave, the prince of Derse, Dave, this is Dolorosa, she basically raised me.” Karkat let go of Dave’s hand and waved at the tall troll.

“Your-your highness, it is a pleasure to meet you!” She stuttered before bowing respectfully.

“See why don’t you do that! That’s respect!” Dave waved at Dolorosa looking at Karkat.

“You don’t look like you been fucking stab now do you?” Karkat snarled crossing his arms.

Dolorosa stood back straight.

“Are we...are you going to stay for dinner? I will have to pick up the children from school soon.”

“No thank you for the offer, I was asking Karkat out for dinner tonight if he still willing.”

Karkat stared at Dave, Dave holds the stare back. Karkat let out a breath through his nose

“Pick me up at 7, the fucking place better be good or I’m duping your ass.”

“ I can make a reservation at-”

“Bitch please I have to make dinner to feed 10 people, you’re picking me up at 7”

Dave kiss his hands grinning, “7 it is, wear something nice, it’ll be great, I promise.”

“Sure, now get the fuck out of my house.” Karkat said with a grin on his face, eyes sparkling, pointing to the exit where the guards are in post.

Dave salute him, bow to Dolorosa and followed his guard to get out of the house and get ready for his date. Dave fucking fist pump the air when they were outside, unknowing that Dolorosa was looking through the window.

She turn giddy to see Karkat half lied down, hitting his head on the kitchen island counter.

“Karkat! This is so! This is so wonderful! You have a date!” She giggled, she hasn't giggle like a schoolgirl in centuries, “With the prince of Derse! OH my, you will need better clothes.” She gasped, walking in a big stride to grab her purse, taking her phone out.

“What, why? I have a dress shirt and pants”

She gived him a look, “something that is not hand-me-downs, or you have warn for 13 years Karkat, I’m sending a message to your father, no. this is too important, I'm calling him.”

“No- Fuck!” Dolorosa place a hand on his head to keep him away at his attempt to grab her phone as she call Vantas.

“Mr. Vantas, This is Dolorosa, no, no everything is perfectly fine with the girls. No nothing like that. It is actually a very good news. Exciting actually! Karkat has a date.” She paused listening to Vantas.

“Yes, I’ve met him. Yes a Him this time. His name is Dave-”  
She smirked, “Dave Strider Sir. Prince of Derse. He was at the home, gave a few Derse sticky buns delicacy, if the box is anything else-Why yes, he does know your boy well.” She grinned down at Karkat who stopped trying to grab the phone and now pouting fuming, crossing his arms over his chest glaring up at the Troll.

“I’m calling because he will need a new set of dress pants and shirt, what he has right now will not be-” She paused listening, Karkat dropped face first on the sofa, grabbing the pillow to scream in it.

“-exactly, yes, that sounds wonderful!” She said cheerfully. “That sounds perfect, I will see you soon Mr. Vantas, take care, beh-bye” She hung up the phone and look down at the dramatic troll with a kind smile. She was so happy, Karkat was more open, and happy since he made the decision to troll back the Prince two weeks ago.

“Your father will be coming home earlier, I will be picking up the girls, having them do their homework right away and will help in the kitchen. Your father will take you to get a new dress shirt and pants for the occasion.”

Karkat only groan in the pillow again. Dolorosa sigh and kneel at his side, petting his hair.

“You must have known that this will happen when you accepted a date with the Prince of Derse-”

“-Dave.” Karkat said turning his head to look at the tall troll.

Dolorosa hesitate a bit before nodding,

“Dave, then, you must have known. This will...change things around, but it won't be scary, it might actually be exciting! You are all Vantas, and there is one thing I learned in raising all of you. Is that Vantas are stubborn sonofabitches who does not back down at a little poke outside of your bubble. You all quite like to poke the bear back so to speak.”

“Yeah, with swearing and yelling.” Karkat agreed, soft smile spreading across his face.

“Indeed ...does Dave know about that?” She asked concerned in her voice with a small frown, because if the Prince of Derse doesn’t know that Karkat Vantas will indubitably, yell and swear in front of camera with absolutely no regrets.

“I repeatedly called him a bark beast asshole and slammed a door on his face. If he doesn’t know he really needs to get his head checked. It was part of our agreement, I’m not changing who I am just for some...publicity stunt. He wanted to know who I am. This is who I am. He can fuck off if he thinks it's too much.”

“Karkat! You slammed a door in his face!”

Karkat sit up and looked at her.

“Dolorosa, if this is going to work, you probably have to get used to me being an asshole back on a prince.”

She dropped her head in her hands, “What have I done wrong with you.”

“Not your fault, I was also raised by my dad and Kankri.”

She sighed and peered at him. She brush the hair out of his face.

“Notherless, I am very proud, and glad for you. When you two will be on the same page - and please, for the love of gods, discuss it!- you two will be very good for each other. I can feel it in my bones.”

“I will, thanks mum.”

Dolorosa intake a breath, eyes watery as she hugged the young troll tightly.

“Oh Karkat, my darling, everything is going to be oh so wonderful in your life from now on.” She softly said before sniffling, separating and cleaning her eyes with a soft smile.

“Now, come on, let’s start dinner, I’m going to pick up the girls, you have a date tonight!” She exclaimed, standing up, holding his hand to pull him up with her.

Dolorosa helped Karkat with dinner for a moment before picking up the girls, she arrived at the same time as Mr. Vantas, he looked like he rushed, he was panting and a bit sweaty. He smiled brightly at the girls and Dolorosa before stomping inside and already starting to yell at Karkat to get changed and hurry up they are leaving now. They only have two hours before Prince Strider comes in to pick him up.

The girls scream back PRINCE STRIDER??! WTF

Karkat is yelling back, banging in the kitchen, Vantas walked and pulled him away from the oven, and throw him toward his son’s room.

Ten minutes and they already in the car and Vantas talking mostly to himself of what they should go first and had already call in advance because of the time frame and really Karkat was fucking scared and nervous.

It was a lot of swearing at each other (foundly) it was amusing the assistant. It took an hour, Mr. Vantas took out the tags so that Karkat couldn’t see the price and hide it from him pulling out his credit card.

\---

“Wow.” Dave said when Karkat open the door.

Karkat raised an eyebrow at the frozen figure in front of him. Dave shook his head and extant his arm. He was holding the most atrocious flower bouquet Karkat had ever seen.

“Holy fuck those are atrocious. I fucking love it.” Karkat said laughing out loud accepting the bouquet smiling down at the clashing colours and ugly flowers. Someone loudly gasp behind them, another said they never heard Karkat laugh like that before.

Dave rock on his feet blushing, he scratches his cheek before placing his hands in his pocket.

“I had help, Kanaya said you would love them.” He admit.

“They are the fucking best, thank you Dave.”

There was some giggling and loud whispering behind them and some hushing, Karkat close his eyes and sigh side stepping and gesture for Dave to get it.

“It just be for a moment, they are noisy fucker.” Karkat huffed, placing the flowers on the desk next to the door, closing it behind Dave.

“You’re as fucking noisy Karkat!” Someone hissed from their hiding spot in the living room area.

“Fuck off, now get in here jesus christ.”

The group all giggled and tumbled out youngest in front and the tallest behind them. Dolorosa had her hands on Nepeta’s shoulder smiling brightly.

Karkat scanned the whole family and rolled his eyes.

“I know you're in there too dad, get the fuck in here.”

A tall and skinny version of Karkat, walked in here faking that he was surprised that everyone was in the entrance.

“Oh, what a surprise, I didn’t know you arrive,” He said sweetly, fixing his cuff link.

“You’re a fucking lier dad,” Karkat said foundly. He turned to Dave.

“Dave this is my fucking family, minus Kankri. Premea, Meulin, and Nepeta Leijon-” He gestured to the three sisters with the matching cat like horns, they all did a pose.

“Holy fuck, no stay like this I need to take a picture, holy shit this is adorable.” Dave quickly pulled out his phone and fiddle with it taking pictures. “Oh my god,” he let out in a breath.

“The bull horn guy is Travos and the tall clown fucker is his matesprit Gamzee.”

“Hi!” Travos waved excitedly, “welcome to the motherfucking family brother” Gamzee said looking half asleep,

“And those two are Aradia, and Damara Megido” Karkat gesture to the last two with their matching curly horns.

“Am I going to be a princess if you marry?!” Damara asked in a rush starstruck.

Karkat hissed at her to shut it, blushing furiously.

“I think it's more complicated than that Damara, “ Aradia answered turning to her sister, “I think it's the queen that decides the title, we might get lady.”

“Ohhh, Lady Megido, I like that, Can I be a lady?” She asked Dave again.

“You know what, when we get married, I will personally asked the Queen to make you a Lady.” Dave said winking with a grin, fidgeting with his phone in his hands.

“Sweet!” She fist pump.

“Now you all good? We need to fucking go,” Karkat hissed as his family, hand on Dave’s arm. It was embarrassing.

The whole family did a eh and gesture in unison waving their hands in maybe. It was coordinated for years of practice. Dave burst out laughing.

“We will make a list of questions if the Prince can survive a night out with you, how about that?” Aradia smirked, winking at them.

“Sounds, fucking peachy.” Karkat opened the door and pulled Dave out with him, he yelled for someone to place the flower in a vase for him. Dave stumble before getting his balance and side step with Karkat, opening the back door of the car they will be driven to the restaurant. He gestured politely at Karkat to step in first.

“Show off,”

“Hey I have too if I want to have a second date.” Dave said with a grin dropping down next to him and buckle up.

“Dave, you gave me the chocolate pudding recipe, you can have three dates.” Karkat teases getting a scoff and light punch on the arm.

“Btw,” Dave clears his throat and look outside the window, “you look really nice.”

“Thank you.” Karkat said looking down at himself, he is very lucky he didn’t see the price tag, his dad having ripe it out right away because Karkat is pretty sure just the waistcoat coat more than the month grocery.

“You look very nice too.” Karkat forcely said, blushing red, the last time he went on a date he was 14 and with a girl troll. He has no fucking clue what to do. He know that he should act like himself but himself might hurt Dave reputation-

Karkat was taken out of down spiral when Dave took his hand in his and hold it. Karkat looked at the human, Dave was as red as him. Karkat smile, Dolorosa was right on one thing, they both are idiots and want to be on the same page.

“So where are you taking me?” Karkat said squeezing once to their joint hands.

“It’s called Golden Leaf, it was recommended-“

“Are you fuckig shitting me? “

Dave wipe his head to look at Karkat who is completely baffled, jaw dropped

“I-no? Is that... bad?” Dave asked, nerve wracking as he tries to think about what he did wrong, trying to find a different restaurant he could go too quickly.

“No no not bad just… holy shit! Golden leaf is the most expensive place in Prospit! The only people who can get in Are actor or rich-oh”

“Did you forget I’m royalty?” Dave smirked

“Some day, you won’t be able to use that card and I will laugh my fuckig ass off at your face.” Karkat retort easily.

“But still, holy shit!” Karkat let go of Dave’s hand just to be able to move “my dad only went once and the food was out of this universe. Oh fuck I’m going to eat at Golden Leaf, eat your fuckig heart out Serket.” Karkat punch the air and just collapse. He turned to looks Dave who look completely found and trying hard to not laugh at his boyfriend excitement. Holy shit they are going to be boyfriends.

“The dessert better be fucking good.” Karkat said.

“Holy shit your fuckig adorable, oh my god, this is the best decision I ever made, please always be yourself, never hold yourself down okay?”

“I have to control myself a little-“

“Nope never, it’s the law, I decided! I’m telling Rose right now, gonna pass a bill that Karkat Vantas has to always and only be himself at all times.” Dave said waving in grand gesture as he pulled his phone texting his sister.

“Oh for fuck sakes, don’t!”

Karkat launch for the prince phone but Dave quickly send the text he was drafting with a giant grinned.

Karkat took the phone and look at the text and huffed rolling his eyes.

It just said his date is hot and adorable and he might keep him forever.

Karkat throw the phone back.

“You are incorrigible.”

“Please you love me, or well you love that I can give you all of the cakes.”

“I am not 100% in the dislike of your personality or whatever.” Karkat blushes and fidget with the waistcoat.

Dave gasp theatrically “this is the best thing you ever told me,”

Before Karkat could retort the driver told them that they are here. Karkat didn’t even notice the time past at all.

Dave step out and quickly jog around to meet with Karkat, he looked absolutely giddy. He give his arm to Karkat to take. Karkat rolled his eyes but still took it anyway as they walk on the red carpet. There was a doorman and hostess at the door.

“Welcome to Golden Leaf your highness, your table is ready if you follow me.” The cheery hostess said taking two menu with her,

“Too late to back out now,” Karkat whispering to Dave, “going to have our picture everywhere in the next hour.”

“Please, 30 minutes max, I’m the hot shit.” Dave said making Karkat snort.

They are shown to their table and given the menu as soon as they sat at the small two people table.

Karkat is very happy that he was trained in utensils placement or else the six different fucking forks would have overwhelm him then and there.

They thank her and are left in silence. Karkat looked around, the restaurant wasn’t full but it wasn’t empty either. There was soft classical music but everything was just so quiet. Karkat felt like he needed to be whispering. Well, he is going to get them kicked out.

“There is a 75% chance that I’m going to get us kick out.” Karkat said opening the menu, “uh they didn't print the price.”

“They won’t kick us out, they be to afraid of what I can do to their reputation if they kick the Prince of Derse out because they are about to be loud that be fucking rediculous,” Dave roll his eyes.

“I’m going to order what sounds the most expensive.” Karkat decided making Dave chock a laugh,

Karkat decided on the seafood area, ordered escargot and a seafood lobster dinner.

“It’s going to be messy and gross, if you can’t handle that we can say fuck off to second date.”

“Challenge accepted Karkat, do your fucking worst,”

“Fucking will, watch me.”

“You want to see if you can get us kick out aren’t you” Dave grinned over his glass of wine they ordered.

“What’s the fun if I don’t try,” Karkat shrugs, making Dave laugh out loud.

They talked about Karkat sisters until the entre came in. Karkat used the appropriate fork and took a bite of his escargot before gagging and quickly spat it out on the napkin.

“What the fuck is this shit.” Karkat hissed,

“Escargot?” Dave asked confused,

“Who the fuck cooked this shit, the dishwasher? It’s fucking disgusting!” His voice getting a bit louder, Dave could see that other occupants were looking over in the corner of his eye.

“I cooked better escargot with plastic containers and two cheese. That is not three cheese escargot.”

Dave reached across and took one his mouth. It wasn’t good but it wasn’t bad either. He said so and Karkat looked utterly pity at Dave.

“I am so fucking sorry for you, Dave, if you say this is good.”

“I mean it’s not… bad-“

“It’s fucking agit that was cooked in leftover dishwasher soap water save.”

“Ew”

Karkat turned to the waitresses that came over the table hearing the ruckus .

“Tell the chef he need to either fire the entre chef or have an eye on them. He is skimming them.” He added pointly.

“I can ask to have -“

“No thank you,” Karkat waved at her, “don’t feel bad, it’s not your fault, it’s who ever is cooking the entre. “

The waitress hesitate but took his plate away looking dejected and unsure of what is happening right now.

“Try this though,” Dave said handing over his fork with his entre. Karkat leaned over the table and bite it off.

Karkat munch looking pensive.

“Need to marinate longer, sauce is perfect with the crunchiness of the breadcrumbs, but the meat is to chewy, ruins the experience.” Karkat mused, “still good thought.” He added quickly.

Dave hummed and took another bite, “Yeah I can see what you mean, would a different meat work? Doesn’t like part of the animal is more tender at places or some shit?”

“Sure Yeah, but that can cost a bit more, and that sort of entre, having it deep fried it doesn’t matter which part of the meat you have. But you can tenderize it, honey would do wonder.”

“Oh fuck yes, that sounds fucking delicious and I’m already eating it!”

Karkat laugh at Dave exclamation.

“Your really good at this, cooking, knowing what would pair off and taste good or make it better.”

Karkat shrugs, “I’ve been cooking since I was 7. And my tv was stuck on the cooking channel for years. You get to learn a few tricks after a while.”

“I’ll have to try your cooking someday.” Dave said leaning his arms on the table to be just a tad closer to the troll. Karkat felt his cheek warmed knowing he was blushing.

“We can make it as a date. I don’t know if you can handle a table of ten people yelling over each other and throwing things.”

“That sounds amazing actually.” Dave hand over another piece and Karkat bite it off his fork again.

He went on multiple dates before, this is the only one that he get to enjoy himself so much. Karkat is quite something. The more he learns about him the more he is so interest and want to just...talk to him and learn more.

Karkat couldn’t say what he was about to say since the waitress came in with his seafood platter. She gave him a plastic bibe and karkat unashamed place it on. Ignoring Dave smirk. Dave watched, leaning his head on one hand as Karkat just take a look at his plate, taking his fork and scrap along the lobster and hummed appreciately.

“This is going to be good shit, at least the main course chef know his shit.” Karkat mused before going in. He moaned at the first bite slamming his fist on the table making the other patron jump in surprise.

“Holy fuck this is so fucking good,”

“Yeah?” Dave said leaning back to let the waitress place his food on the table.

“Fuck yes,” Karkat took another bite and roll his eye in the back of his head at the deliciousness.

They eat, answering each others question, Dave laughed at Karkat just licking the lobster shell making faces because he fucking could. Dave arm spamed and knock half the cutlery on the floor making both of them burst out laughing.

The whole restaurant was watching the exchange in both horror and amusement. They never seen the prince so open before. This was the most entertaining the restaurant ever had.

“Fuck, oh god I didn’t laugh this much since….shit” Dave let out a giggle, arm around his side hurting from laughing so much. Karkat is wiping his eyes with his napkin chuckling alongside. He had finished eating and had removed his plastic seafood bib.

“I didn’t laugh this hard since I was 13” Karkat admitted and let out a sigh, feeling open, warm and nice. Dave smiled, hands reaching to take his.

“Would you like to see the dessert menu?” The waitress asked them, taking their plate away.

“YES!” Karkat let out loudly, hissing. eye wide like he couldn’t believe that he could have dessert at all. Dave chuckle.

“Oh fuck, no fuck stop making me laugh, my side hurts.”

“Pft, weak” Karkat teased back.

They ordered apple pie with a ball of ice cream. Karkat moan at the taste.

“Holly shit, this would be so much better with real vanilla bean ice cream instead of the pearl white fake one.”

Dave blink down at his pie.

“How- you can make the difference?” He asked incredibly at Karkat ability to taste anything different.

“The real one you can see the black lil piece of beans.” Karkat point to the ice cream, talking with his mouth full.

“Damn.”

While Dave is paying Karkat told the Waitress to give his regard to the chef, that the main course was incredible like fuck that shit was good, especially the way they did the sauce? Fucking genius. And to consider changing the ice cream to the real vanilla bean one? It would help pop the spice in the apple pie stuffing so that every bite taste like the first one. Also, either fire whoever is doing the entree or keep an eye on them because they are totally skimming on them. Just saying.

“I will let the chef know, are you a food critic?”

“What? No, I just like food.” Karkat looked at her like she grew two heads. That was a weird thing to say.

Dave thank them placing a hand on Karkat’s back as they walked back outside, just waiting for his driver to pick them up.

“That was...really good, I really enjoyed myself.”

“I’m glad, I really like it too.” Dave said blushing slightly.

Karkat turned his head to see the two body guard station behind them.

“Wait, were they with us all this time?” Karkat asked pointing over his shoulder,

“Yeah?”

“Huh, didn’t notice.”

“Seriously, dude, youre probably the only one who never fucking notice the guards.”

Karkat shrugs, “I lived in a house that always had at least 10 kids, you get used to have two to three people shadowing you.”

“Damn, I seriously need to meet your family because fuck.” Dave open the car door and let Karkat swing inside first before getting after him.

The drive back was much quicker being so late at night. Dave asked a bunch of questions about the other kids Karkat grew up with until they get to his house.

Dave walked him to the door.

“Are you...still on for tomorrow?” Dave sheeply asked, Karkat turned to face Dave.

“...yeah, I...really liked...this,”

“Nice, Roxy gave me this great grill place to try,”

“Deal, but the next one I get to pick.”

Dave smile brightly, “Deal.”

They just stare at each other. There was a stumble behind the door and someone swore. Other loudly shush the person. Karkat sighed defeated.

“I should go, because some PEOPLE SHOULD BE IN BED HOURS AGO!” He yelled over his shoulder at the door. There was just some giggle and quick commotion as his sibling ran upstairs. Karkat roll his eyes and huffed turning to face Dave but is quickly surprised when the prince kiss him on the cheek blushing as red as the troll.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then? 7?” Dave asked walking backwards, he stumbled before straightening himself up looking sheepish.

“Yeah, get the fuck out of here,” Karkat chuckle, shaking his head at the prince opening the door and get inside.

\---

“You’re trending,” is the first this Aradia said to Karkat the next morning, her knowing smile as she still looking at her phone scrolling down on social media.

“Good, I’m fucking adorable.” Karkat answered placing the plate of bacon on the table.

His father not to far behind with the plate of toast and Dolorosa filling glasses with orange juice.

“I fucking bet that-”

“Oooh I’ll take on that wager!” Aradia said pointing to her brother, they high fived.

“No fucking betting at the breakfast table!” Vantas yelled slamming on the table making everyone look down quickly, “I placed a sheet next to the goldstar menu in the living room, I didn’t raise animals jesus christ.” He quickly added making the table laugh as Karkat just groan.

“I can bet anything right, it doesn’t have to be money?” nepeta asking curiously,

“You can bet anything you want darling,”Dolorosa said next to her petting her hair.

“Fuck yes,” Nepeta hissed in delight, fist pumping.

“I hate, everyone of you, what did I do to deserve this?” Karkat groan over his eggs, his family is fucking ridiculous.

“It’s your fucking fault, you’re dating the Prince of Derse!” Damara said happily, “you’re going to be on the news for years to come!”

“Shit, your going to be the talk in school for months now, fuck.” Travos whined.

“They are going to make you sound like an asshole and not deserving of good things,” Aradia said, a frown on her face, she tease her brother a lot, but she still care immensely.

“But I am and asshole.” Karkat point out

“Yeah, but an asshole who deserve good things! And the Prince’s ass is a good one.”

“Aradia! No sex talk at the table” Dolorosa hissed at the girl, covering Premea ears. Aradia rolled her eyes,

“And food, motherfucker eat at the Golden Leaf! Shit brother, you went all out” Gamzee said reading from report of patron of last night complaining about how loud the couple was.

“If Dave want a quiet and polite date he wouldn’t ask a motherfucking Vantas out, Karkat of all people,” Aradia said.

“Oh, hey it says here that they fired the chef who did the entree for the past 5 years for embezzlement.” Vantas read off from his phone, everyone having different news and search.

“Wait seriously? Fucking good, his escargot taste like fucking soap water make out with the trash can. Fucking disgrace.”

Half the table let out a eww at Karkat description. Karkat only nodded in understanding. It was fucking disgusting.

“Do we have to answer people or can we just…” Travos trailed of waving at the whole table.

“You can be a Vantas about it,” Vantas said still looking at his phone as he took a bite

“Shit that be motherfucking hilarious” Gamzee burst out laughing making the table chuckle just thinking about.

“The royal family have no idea what they are getting into do they,” Dolorosa sigh disappointed at the family she has been raising.

“I warned him,” Karkat offhandedly said taking his last bite of his breakfast., “But I think he find the yelling and swearing amusing.”

“Holy shit, the prince of derse is in love with Karkat” Aradia said gasping. Karkat glared at her rising from his seat and taking his empty plate to the kitchen.

“Everyone fucking stop gossiping about my love life and fucking eat your breakfast, you need to leave in 20 minutes!”

There is a chorus of swearing and forks scraping on the plate as his family rush to finish eating and get ready for work/school.

\---

“Good Morning Dave! You’re dating a Vantas?”

Dave looked up from his coffee, he was at the studio already, one of the PA was grinning,

“Hum, Yeah, you know him?”

“No no no, but I was an assistant for one of his brother, you know Rufio?”

“The troll with the giant wings?”

“Yeah, Travos big brother.” She hand him over the script and notes, Dave looked it over

“Makara also grew up with Karkat when he was a boy, just wanted to let you know,” She placed a hand on his shoulder. “Prince or not, better watch your back.” She waved at him goodbye to let him work before answering the headset and get to work on the set.

Dave had received a text from Jade saying his boy is trending.

Good or bad? He texted back.

HILARIOUSLY She respond not answering anything.

At lunch he called Jade.

“Is he trandign good or bad? I didn’t have the chance to look at my social media yet.” Dave said as soon as she answered. Jade burst out laughing.

“I’ve been watching the news all morning, some newscaster tried to talk with some of his sisters? Troll with curling horns? She is sassy.” Jade said appreciate.

“Karkat said they are used to media because of their dad? His only answer was ‘we are motherfucking Vantas’, still don't know what it means.” Dave said holding the phone to his ear with his shoulder as he fills up his plate with catered food.

“They play the media like a fiddle. They tried to talk to the bull horn guy? I think you worked with his brother, he looked familiar.”

“Yeah, I learned about it this morning, Rufio Nitram, the troll with the wings.”

“Nice, well his matesprit is very scary. He just did his, like, very intimidation eyes behind the boy at the interviewer, but like they couldn’t do anything about it because the boy was just smiling doofly. Just doing chucklevoodoo like a pro.”

“Damn…” Dave let out, sitting in his chair as he looked at the set and took a huge bite of his sandwiches.

“Did they try to talk with Karkat?”

“They can’t even get in through the barrier.”

“Wait, what? There is a barrier?” Dave shook his head, switching hands, mouth full.

“Yeah! The tall troll woman just smiled at them and slame a button and like metal barrier closed the door around the manor. Also, he lives in a manor?? The way you talked about him, I though he was just like...a commoner or something.”

“His dad is a politician, and has 8 foster children.”

“Oh, right.”

“And they have chickens.” Dave continued with a grin.

“Oh my gods I need to see him like yesterday.”

“I’ll see what I can do-”

“-Don’t play me Strider, chickens!!” She squeaks.

Dave laugh, “You let me know if anything like ...bad happens right?”

“I think your pretty covered dude, the Vantas...they are stubborn sonofabitch.”

“You can say that again, Hey I have to go-”

“-no problem, eat, film, do your shit, give me all of the deeds for your date tonight! WINK!”

“Did you just-”

“-shush, yes, love you!”

“Love you too” Dave fondly said shaking his head as he disconnected the call and start to eat, opening his twitter to see what the damage is. A lot of people being mad, check. Some ex girlfriend laughing and congratulating, unexpected. Terezi send him a private message, ignore!

Oh look, someone tagging him with an article telling him he is doing the wrong choice because Karkat is a high school dropout, how considerate of them. Some people trying to dish out Karkat from school years. Pretty much expected. In over all, for the first day it wasn’t too bad.

\---

When Dave picked Karkat up for their second date, Dave took a selfie with him, giving him his shade and Dave wearing tacky heart shaped ones. They made funny faces.

“Damn, we are fucking adorable, the internet is going to break.” Dave couldn’t stop smiling down at his phone as he did some edits and post it on all his social media. Roxy and Rose heart and reblog it a second after. Jade and John comment CUTE and D’AWWW.

“Do you have an account, I can tag you in the picture.”

“I don't even have a phone.”

Dave turned to look at his boyfriend in horror.

“Why?”

“I gave mine to Travos? I’m always home anyway so if someone need to reach me they can fucking call the landline!”

“We need to get you a phone-”

“Uh-hu sure,” Karkat sarcastically said,” can’t wait to see the horranduse plan for that one, jesus Dave, I have a laptop you can just pester me.”

“Not the same thing and you know it dude,” Dave pocket his phone back, “We’ll figure something out. For now lets break the world with how fucking hot we are.” Dave said taking the trolls hand and grinned, ready to open the door.

“Damn fucking right we are” Karkat growled scooting out and following behind Dave.

\---

“How was your day? Can you even talk about your day?” Karkat after they had ordered and got their drinks. He had ordered a medium stakes with a mushroom sauce and pan fried potatoes. It is going to be delicious.

“ yeah I can, it’s probably going to be boring, I’m just helping direct a shoot for a movie-”

“Wait seriously? I thought you were in the media shit?”

“Sort off? Because I'm a public figure, I used twitter and social media more to promote stuff, but I act, directs and even wrote some movie scripts.”

“Damn,” Karkat frown, leaning down on his chair. “That’s why your always travelling? Going to different shoots place and shit?”

Dave shrugs, “yeah pretty much. I’m lucky that it's only at two studio location so far.”

“What's the furthest you ever traveled?”

Dave talked about the various places he visited, he talked about a culture with passion in his eyes for 10 solid minutes before he shut himself down even when Karkat told him he doesn’t mind, that he liked hearing Dave talk passionately.

Karkat moaned loudly at the first bite of his food. He shared some to Dave who agreed that that shit was fucking amazing. Karkat had asked for some spongy bread to soak up the sauce with in the middle of the meal.

“No, fuck you, you're laughing but I’m not going to let that sauce to waste, I’ll fucking lick the plate if I have too. Fuck being presentable, you fucking knew it when you asked me out. You want Karkat Vantas, you’re getting Karkat fucking Vantas.”

“Fuck, dude, you’re the fucking best man. Holy shit,” Dave wipe his eyes off laughter tears.

They finished their food quickly and Dave asked for the dessert menu.

“Fuck yes, you know what would be fucking good?” Karkat said rubbing his stomach as Dave accept the one page dessert menu. Dave hummed, non verbally said he is listening.

“A mango mousse type of dessert. Its light and fluffy and it will not give us heartburn after the heavy meal we eat.”

Dave looked up to stare at Karkat. The dessert manu was pretty short and most of it look unappealing and heavy sounding after what they just eat. Mousse sounds really good right now. He waved at the waitress.

“Is it possible for the chef to do a Mango Mousse type of dessert?”

“Dave!” Karkat hissed at him, “Don’t fucking give them more work to do, holy shit!”

“I can asked the chef?” The waitress asked pointing over at the kitchen, accepting the menu back.

“Please, if you could, don’t trouble yourself if they can’t.” Dave asked.

The waitress left saying she will see what they can do. Karkat punched Dave on the arm.

“Dammit Dave, I was just musing, you don’t have to fucking request shit to the chef-”

“-what, you can do that all the time! If they can’t they will flat out say it, relax dude.” Dave lied easily

The waitress came back with a pleasant smile saying that the chef can do it if they don’t mind waiting a few minutes to prep it. Dave said they don’t mind at all, can’t wait!

Dave pulled Karkat back into a pleasant chat until they wait for the mousse to arrive.

Dave hummed appreciatively at the first bite nodding, “You were right, this is fucking good.”

“I’m always fucking right about food Dave” Karkat said pointing his spoon at him. Dave chuckle, shoulder shaking as he eat the mousse. It was light and it would just melt in his mouth. The tangy fruit flavour a refresh from the heavy carb of the meal they just ate.

Dave looked at the other patrons, hearing someone else asking for the mousse, having overheard them. He smiled, looking back at Karkat who is obvious of the changes he is doing to the world. He had read about what the Golden Leaf did, actually listening to Karkat opinion, watching the Entree chef and discovering that he has been stealing under their noses for over a year.  
And now, Dave can fucking bet that the mousse will be permanently added to the menu because if there is something he knew about the troll is that he know food.

Dave rest his head on his hand watching Karkat with found smile. Karkat raised his eyes and frown at him.

“What?” he snarl.

“You are one heck of a troll Karkat Vantas.”

“Fucking right, I am, you should bask in all of me”

“I’ve been trying for weeks, thank you for noticing.” Dave quickly retort.

“That was horrible,” Karkat snort taking the last bite of his mousse and sigh happily setting the bowl aside.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the rest of the story that I had.

After one of their dates Dave asked for Karkat to visit the studio.

“I can’t, fuck Dave!”

The door behind them swing wide open drastically, Dolorosa looking bright and angry.

“He fucking going to do it.” She snarled-

“-wha-”

Dolorosa ignored both of them, “Karkat, you stubborn son of a bitch, we can handle a house for 24 hours, you go and enjoy some freedom with your fucking boyfriend. Get out there and have fun.” She snarled eye bright yellow

“O-okay!”

“I’ll pick you up at 6 tomorrow morning?” Dave asked unsure looking wide eyed at Karkat a bit terrified of the angry huffing tall troll in the entry.

“I guess, I guess I’m going to your movie set tomorrow then!” Karkat hesitantly let out still looking at Dolorosa. She nodded, crossing her arms, her skin turning back gray and her eye jade.

“O-okay, I’ll just-” Dave point to his car before kissing Karkat cheek quickly and just stumble out away.

“Seriously Dolorosa!” Karkat hissed at the woman, She snarl back, 

“You listen you lil shit!” Karkat raised an eyebrow to his hairline at her hissed, “You’ve been sacrificing yourself for the sake of your brothers and sisters, you finally have someone that cares about you and only you. I’m not going to let yourself talk down about yourself. You are going to wear your nice cloths, your going to have a fucking great time and meet your boyfriends firends. Did I make myself fucking clear?”

“Yes ma’am”

“Good, now get the fuck to your room” She point to the staircase, to angry and forgot that his room is on the first floor close to the kitchen. Karkat by past her and get to his room to do his night routine. It will be weird not having to cook and eat breakfast with his family.

\---

Waking up by Dolorosa pulling him out of the bed and push him in the bathroom to take a shower and get ready. She wasn’t taking any shit. It was kind of scary. Karkat took a shower and pulled on the jeans and shirt that she took out for him. It was kind of weird and uncomfortable since he is used to more loose sweatpants and flip flops. He actually have to be presentable. During the day. Urg.

Dave was actually very excited to show Karkat his work space, how the filming works and the crew and the process. He just...he never showed anyone this side of himself, to anyone he dated before. Even if with Karkat, they only dated for a week now. its very short but he felt like he could trust Karkat, that this was someone he could share every part of himself and Karkat would take it all in with a smile and a few swear words.

Dave think about the love words a hell of a lot in the week he hangs out with the troll but he knows its way to early but goddammit he loves that troll.

Dave had picked up Karkat with some croissant pastries for breakfast on their way to the set. As soon as they got in, and Dave assistant giving Karkat a visiting special VIP pass so that he won't be booth out, Dave was pulled in his work, talking and gesturing but always looking behind him to watch Karkat. Just...watching, wanting to know his opinion, to see if he likes it, if it's okay.

Seeing Dave work, and being in charge of so many people and seeing a cluster of workers organized and work together to make something great. It was amazing. Karkat looked at the makeup and stylist artist transform the actors in their role. He seen the technician work with lightning and special effects. He tried to stick close to Dave but after awhile he just wandered around in the set. People know who he was, with the pass pinned on his shirt and the fact that people knew him as Dave boyfriend.

“Oh you must be Karkat hi!” one of the assistant with a pager said when she saw the troll walked around looking at the set details.

“Hello,” Karkat accept her hand.

“I worked with your brother, Rufio? Really sweet guy.”

“Wait-no shit! He’s in Derse now I think he got a full time position at that Tv show.”

“Yeah, I'm sad that I wont see him in Prospit,” She pouts.

“He come to visit like once in a while, since Travos is still here, I can tell him to pop in?”

“Oh my gosh really? I miss him! I mean super great that he got his career off the floor, but I miss him.”

Karkat laugh, “ I think he is dating one a mechanic at Derse so I won't expect him moving back to Prospit anytime soon.”

“Karkat?” Daved asked turning a corner, he had a few worried line and looked agitated.

“Yeah? We were talking about my brother,” Karkat point to the assistant. She waved sheepily, feeling a bit guilty.

“Sorry, we just got talking and…” She trailed off.

“That’s fine, I just looked away for a second and lost you,” Dave said reaching for Karkat’s hand. The assistant bite her lips at the cuteness, they are amazing together, she never seen Dave so well rested, at ease and aware. Karkat is… well he looked a bit lost and uncomfortable right now, from what she heard of his brother, he is a firecracker. She is pretty sure to wait a few more hours for him to warm up and they will be hearing him from across the set. She smiled at them, seeing Karkat following Dave as he talked passionately.

It's only during close to the time for lunch, when the catering crew come in that Karkat start to feel at home, he watched them work in unison and following orders and wincing at it until he step up and start to yell at them. The boss yelled back and Karkat swoop some knowledge at his ass. The boss told him if he was so great why don’t he fucking take a go! Karkat rolled his sleeve and asked for an apron and what's on the menu.

When Dave came back asking one of the assistants where was his boyfriend, they point to the catering tent. And yup, there he is, cooking furiously as he yelled orders around and move around the team with ease and flow. 

The food was only a couple minutes later but it had a hell of a difference in the taste. It was...hell of a lot better. The crew nodded in approval as they eat huge bites of various things. Karkat was giving the information to the boss between bites as he explain and the boss took furious notes.

People nodge Dave with wiggle of eyebrows and nodded toward Karkat. Some one had took a video and post it online.

“What school did you go, some of those tricks are pretty advanced” One of the cooked asked, Karkat frowned.

“I didn’t?” Karkat looked behind him like he was wondering if they were talking to someone else but they were looking straight at him. “I quit highschool mid way so that I could help at home. I’m the estate home care.”

The whole crew blinked at him and let out indigious sounds in surprised.

“Both those are expertise tricks!-”

“- you moved and cooked like a professional with years of experience-”

“-your sense of taste? It's amazing-”

“Seriously? Seriously? No training? You’re naturally this good?”

Everyone was talking at the same time, Karkat was baffled. He doesn’t understand why they are acting so strange. Was it that odd, or amazing like they all keep saying that he could cook like this? He tries to explain to them that he learned from watching TV shows and cooking for like 20 different people in the past 8 years,, but they were all not having it.

“Karkat, babe, you should accept this as the truth. You’ve been changing the world with your cooking and taste in food since day one.” Dave said arm around karkat’s shoulder.

\---

Karkat was talking, well, more like snarking as they walked toward the front door, doing the small few steps before standing in front of the door of the Vantas Mansion. Karkat turned and smiled, he was about to say something but Dave just knew that, at that soft smile, the brightness of his cheek, the sparks in his eyes. Dave knew he was taken, this was it. His heart was in the trolls hand. He reached for Karkat cheeks, hands carefully holding him and kiss him gently. Dave wonder if karkat could hear his heart beat out of his chest.

If he could feel the emotion he let all out on his lips. The kiss was gentle at first, Karkat was shocked for a second before reciprating, a small sigh leaving his lips, his hand reaching to rest on Dave’s wrists. Dave didn’t know what to expect but soft lips wasn’t it. It was intoxicating, addictive, he didn’t want to stop.

They separated, Karkat pulling gently on Dave’s hands and looked at the dazed unfocused face of Dave.

“It's going to be everywhere in the internet.” Karkat whispered. Dave didn’t care, he just wanted to soft taste again, he goes for it again, stepping closer and kissing like he meant it. Karkat didn’t hesitate at all, wrapping his arms around Dave’s neck pulling him closer, bumping on the door on his back and just kiss and kiss.

The door wrench open making Karkat yelp as they stumped back. But was easily caught by Dolorosa, making sure they stay on their feet. She was glowing white, and eyes yellowed in glaring.

“Room. Now.” She grumbled, her voice ringing like thousands of fire. Karkat yelp and quickly said yes ma’am and walked in. He stops mid way in confusion.

“Wait I’m 21?!”

“ROOM, NOW!” She roared and Karkat just quickly run back in the kitchen to get to his room. Her yellowed smoking eyes glared at Dave who was agape and frozen at the door way.

“I’m...pretty sure I’m in love.” Dave said eye wild, he didn’t mean to say that. Dolorosa looked like she dropped her scary persona a notch.

“Is it possible for a taste to be addictive, because I’m pretty sure addicted to kissing him. Fuck I didn’t mean to say that out loud, fuck. I really love him, god-”

“You’re highness,” Dolorosa was back to her grey skin as she looked down at the prince with kind but stern stare, “you are rambling you’re highness,”

“Yes, yes I am, I do that when I’m nervous, can I just…” He trailed off, he didn’t stop looking at where Karkat had left, he just wanted to follow the troll. He would follow him everywhere, he just want to kiss him and hold his hand and hold him and kiss him forever. Was that possible? Can he do that. God he already miss the taste of the trolls lips on his. Is it possible to already be addicted to kissing?

“You should go, your highness.” Dolorosa looked amused, 

“Right, I should go, do that. I’m ah...don’t tell him?”

“I would never take such a romantic gesture toward him like that. However, my advice, you’re highness, don’t wait too long.”

Dave blinked at the closed door. Why would he wait? No wait, she was right. He stumble down the stairs, he would have wait for the perfect moment, it only been a month they are dating, it was the first time they kissed on the lips, fuck he miss him already.

Fuck. Dave slump in the car seat, groaning, rubbing his face. He is so deeply and completely screwed. God he is going to have alien sex with his boyfriend and he is going to fucking love every seconds of it. Fuck, it will probably be the first time for Karkat, shit. He really needs to get this right or he will have half of Prospit on his ass. Half of Prospit and be exiled by his own Best friend and brother-in-law.

Dave laughed out loud. The driver asked if everything is alright. Dave said he is in love and is going to get fucking killed, laughing hysterically. 

\---  
The week is done, Dave had to leave but he promised that he will come back. They had talked a lot, Dave had told him about what happen with terezi on his end and about himself and his duties as the prince.

Two weeks after he is back with more permanent room at the castle. It’s another two weeks before they actually have sex at Karkat home. The next morning Dave is accosted by the 14year old sister.

She asks if he is Karkat boyfriend, Dave say yes. She ask if they had sex. Dave brain shuts off. Karkat yell from the kitchen or her to stop antagonizing the prince of Derse. She yelled back she was just asking questions. Karkat yess What? With a snarl. She yells if they had sex. Dave is hiding his face in his hands. Karkat comes on with two cups of coffee and say they had now fuck off the nanny is the one doing breakfast today.

The sister whine why it’s Saturday it’s pancakes! Karkat day he has a guest what you want me to ask the prince of Derse to make pancakes ?

Yes she answered seriously. 

Well, you heard the lady, want to help me make pancakes for the vantas army? Dave shrugs says sure.

The sister stayed with them asking various odd questions to Dave as they make pancakes and the family start to wake up. The eldest and the sister helped make the table and bring the plates full pile high of pancakes.

Everyone just accept Dave in here like it was no big deal yelling at each other throwing things over their heads, vantas dad just talking casually at the head of the table like it’s nothing

Dave said this was so much better than the polite quite six course meal he has to endure at the castle.

One of the girls who is sitting next to him scoff and say that he just has to bring Karkat and it be over, trust me.

Dave does invite Karkat to eat at the table with the queen and king and John and roxy and the twins, with jade. It starts to be very awkward except for Roxy who is just so excited and talking saying Dave never brought anyone before and this is amazing?? Isn’t it amazing?!

Then the food comes in, John and Jade and Roxy has heard tale of Karkat passion for food and are staying quiet as they wait for the outburst. But the troll is keeping quiet, even if he is making faces. It’s not until the first entre did Dave pull him away and asking wtf Karkat day he is trying to be good!! By not going outburst this his queen and king dammit! Dave said that if they don’t like him because of who he is then Dave would just leave them and like start his own business renouncing the prince title because duck them fuck this. He love him for who he is and that mean the food loving and opinion having asshole.

Karkat sniffle and clean his eyes, said the purée suck and he could still feel the unblended veggy bits on his thong for fuck Saiea how can you fuck up purée soup it’s just throw shut in a blender and press on like fuck sake. Dave smile and say good please just be yourself okay the king and queen… they are just people like you and your dad and your sisters. They will love you.

The next part is a small salad, it’s drenched in sauce, Karkat dirk in hand just look at it.

“They fuck is this.”

“They said it was a salad dressing is pretty good.”

“Are you fucking sure? It looked like they just gave me a fucking salad soup with the fucking amount of dressing Jesus fuck. What do they think I’m going to do with the pool like the plate?”

Jade is hiding her mouth with her hand shoulder shaking.

Karkat took a bite and wince, “arg, way to much vinegar that’s what happen when you drench your salad with sauce fuck sacks.”

“What would you give them?” Roxy asked watching her parents in law look at the troll in horror

“2 out of 10 not recommande, Jesus fuck at least place like crouton or some shit to absorb all that sauce erg.” He push the plate away.

The queen say they are the best chef in the kingdom 

Well your best chef doesn’t know how to use a blander.

Why I never. The queen gasp.

“It is really bad dear.” The king said he had only push the lettuce around the other jade and John giggles.

Then the first meal comes in. The meat is good, well cooked and the side well browned Karkat said now he knows the chef forte. This is much better. But he had better.

“The mushroom sauce one.”

Karkat slam the table “fuck yes oh my god we have to go again that shit is delicious,”. He turn to Roxy, “Did you go? It’s fucking bonkers. My dad said they added the mousse on the menu since the time we went.”

“Actually, I heard that you are recommended to a lot of restaurants if they want to get better.” John said

“What?”

“Yeah, well my family own a bakery and business owners talk within them self and they said all the place you two went , all the one you certify and gave better suggestions. If they did what you suggest they get more people and more sell and more compliments to the chef.” John shrugs. “Someone from a chain is trying to find you but they only get your dad or a Kankri? They haven been very helpful.”

Karkat turn to Dave “Did you know this?”

“No, I knew some restaurant took your stuff to heart and they did well but not that they are looking for you. This is really awesome.”

Dave frown and let out the fuck. But continue to eat. The queen is beyond herself who the fuck is this troll at her table to critique the best chef in the whole kingdom. It’s only when the chef himself looking both star struck and nervous and walk straight toward Karkat bowing to him and say he is very sorry about the entre it was a mistake and it will be fix if he give any suggestions and hope that he enjoyed the supper.

Karkat just shrugs, said the sauce was blend they should branch out, also maybe frypan the potatoes with the veggies in a mix of oil and butter instead? It will give the buttery taste on the potatoes and that would be so good.

You can redeem yourself with desert. Of course sir they said he bow again bow to the queen and king and the heirs. Shuffling back out, Karkat turns to Dave and said he hope it’s the puff because fuck. Dave said it probably isn’t the puff because they didn’t know it was the same person from the ball. Karkat groan and said Dave is an ass taking him away from the delicious puff. 

It was still a delicious light cake good combo with the heavy first course meal and with tea and coffee and wine to help digest. 

Karkat moan at the first bite. He just inhale the thing then ask if he could have another and with like a strawberry syrup pool you know what I mean? They do and they bring.

Karkat savor the rest of his second piece. Roxy watching her baby bro just watching Karkat eating. She smirk her bro had it bad.

—  
Kankri nearly faint seeing the prince of Derse in lounging pants helping fold laundry as they watch a cooking show at home.

He hiss at Karkat what the fuck are you doing you can place him to work!! He is a prince! Shame of him. Kakrakt is like dude brother, he is my boyfriend and he can do the fuck he wants. And he wants to help fold laundry then so be it. Just because he is a prince doesn’t mean he should know the basic skills of life Jesus Christ. Also he is my plus one for the wedding. Kankri drop on the floor hand on his face right where he stood. His baby brother is dating a prince. The prince is coming to his wedding. Fuck.

—

After a year of being serious his dad sit both of them down and he say he is releasing Karkat, a lot of the girls graduates and are out of the house he can afford someone new to cook and clean. They should try and live together and like live.

Karkat is floored he… he doesn’t know what to do he never left the house or the town before. He knows the logistics of ranting his own place but like what about a job? Ge can only cook and clean and what about Dave’s duties, he will be asked to get on the spot light again he can’t push it still not after so long.

Dave said he remembers a year ago that if Karkat could he would eat his way around the world. So why not? Let’s go around both Derse and Prospit and eat at a restaurant! People been paying him begging him to try places to get better traction. 

Karkat is like we can’t do that. Dave is challenge mother fucking accepted. Bit became a tv show, Dave director it, and with social media and his sisters it quickly got off the ground. They had a brand, and a logo and tagline and your bus and people start to submit restaurants that accept being on tv. Range from fast food chain to fancy shit to homy and family own corner shit.

It was bizarre for Karkat and doing the sort of bloopers youtube video Dave would record. People love it because it's the prince and because they are so adorable and sarcastic together. They could see them in love. Some ridiculous dare video and karkat just looking at Dave bemused like I dare you to eat that bug in that far away land. Karkat eats it then it change to a shaking video of dave half face is crying having a hard time breathing saying karkat is asking for a dipping sauce. Gasssp omg

Some are Q&A of Dave reading watchers questions and Karkat answered.

One episode he dine with Gordon Ramsay once. And having them tag team is terrified, Dave had to step out because he has the breath he is laughing so much. Dave post a twitter thread and say that even when they are done filming that Gordon and Karkat continued to talk, giving horror story.

Picture, karkat is showing Gordon picture of his sibling when he was teaching them cooking.

Short video, Dave and Karkat are walking back to the hotel, and dave is like, okay so after near two hours of chit chat, my dear love of my life has now speed dial with Gordon fucking Ramsay and we have reservation to his restaurant in two weeks. He turn to to Karkat who is on his phone.

Karkat said we have great appreciation to talk down on grown man doing stupid mistake. He looked at Dave.

One episode, they are at a cooking show and it is supposed to use raw ingredients from the farm. They have to kill a chicken. Dave is terrified, Karkat pushed him away saying move white bread. Dave: did you called me white bread and eyes widen when Karkat just glared at him and twirl the hatchet. He looked at the camera and turned to the lady, he has a great hold on the chicken.

They come back online, Dave is slump on a chair looking very pale, and the bird is now deplumed and very dead.

“You going to live Dave,”

“Please don’t make me talk.”

Karkat looked at the owner and said weak. They giggle.

People at home absolutely love Karkat, his family watch and follow religiously.

Dave propose with the ring in a box full of the puff pastry that Karkat loves so much. Karkat fuckings laughs and show that he has been holding a ring for a month now.

The wedding was huge. On both sides, Karkat is now a public image, Dave was sensational more than ever online. Their love is eternal. Karkat still moan and slams table at delicious food.


End file.
